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[Morwenna]

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[Christine662]

Hi

I love Christmas, but the thing with it now is, its rammed down our throats for weeks & weeks on the tv etc too soon, so its not as special anymore.

Stumpy xx

[Joyce]

Love Christmas but don't like the New Year.  I agree though it is rammed down our throats.  A couple of years ago it was just hubby & I on Christmas day, so it felt awfully quiet, it was the first time since we got married.  Son's girlfriend and her family celebrate big time.

[viv]

I dont enjoy it as much as I did when the kids were little. It really was magical then.

Last year I refused to cook Xmas dinner for the 30th year in a row and caused a lot of upset. They know I wont do it this year but no one else has taken up the challenge so it will just be me and hubby and two grown up kids. That will do me fine.

We dont really start talking properly about Xmas until well into Nov otherwise it just goes on for far to long and I dont put up a tree until about ten days before,

Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

Sure you will enjoy your Christmas better with just the four of you Honeybun!  It's not worth the hassle.

I fell out many years ago big time with my brother on Christmas day because they had decided to take my elderly mum, who was in the early stages of Alzhiemers, down to theirs.

He insisted we should have done it and I got a verbal ear bashing.  I slammed phone down on him.  Totally ruined our Christmas as I was in floods of tears.

Following year we did have her. She was incapable of going for a train so we had a 3 hour drive down & 3 hours back to pick her up & the same a couple of days later to take her home again.  My mum was totally lost, despite leaving lights on etc and would wander into our room when she needed the loo.
My brother was about an hour from where she lived and could take her there & back again in a day.

The following year she was in a nursing home.

[san]

I am looking forward to more this year as our grandson is 2 so he will provide the magic. But I hate the crowds, the idea I have to spend spend spend and the way people seem to go nuts in the supermarkets.

I have often said I would like to help in a homeless centre at Christmas. I haven't done it yet but it's still on my "bucket list".

[one year in]

My OH is Greek and a real anti Christmas freak!  He hates me putting my mini tree up and refuses point blank to take part in any kind of celebration! 

I don't mind though.  We're on our own at Christmas so we just have a good lunch and a couple of drinks.  If I was in the UK I'm sure I'd hate it too - just too commercialized!

I think you've got it right San - although there is the old Phoebe thing "there's no such thing as a selfless deed" ... so I'd only do it if it made me feel good! 

[Bette]

I'm definitely a "bah humbug." In fact, that's what my friends always call me! 
OH and I would ignore it completely if it wasn't for my mum, who at 93 still loves it all. Have felt like that for years but it became much worse when my only brother died in the early hours of Xmas day a few years ago. The next couple of years, Mum spent with her sister, which rescued me from having to acknowledge it at all (apart from buying them both a present) but last year, she didn't feel up to going away so spent the day with us. I was dreading it but time has thankfully worked it's magic on my feeling of bereavement and we managed to get through the day OK. The previous couple of years I had dreadful IBS and couldn't eat, let alone cook. I'm feeling a bit less scared this year, having survived last year relatively intact! Haven't yet decided whether to do the same as last year - have Mum here for lunch and then take her to visit m and f-i-l or try having them all here for lunch as we always did before my brother died.
I think that it's for Christians and for children and as neither scenario includes me, I'd really rather let it go by un-noticed. I suppose it brings back too many memories of happy childhood Xmas's with my brother (and later his son, now also sadly dead) and I want to move on from that now.
I'll do my usual thing, I suppose. Buy some cards from Oxfam for those distant relatives and "friends" I never see or speak to, buy presents for Mum, Auntie and 3 good friends (all of whom love it!) and maybe a little surprise for OH if I can think of something - we usually agree not to buy presents and treat ourselves to what we want together.
This thread has made me realise that it's nice not to be actually dreading it this year so that's quite positive really!
Bette x

[one year in]

That's awful Bette.  You're not really a bah humbug if you were bereaved at Christmas.  But perhaps you could actually turn it around by celebrating the happy memories of your brother and his son rather than celebrating Christmas?  Buy things that you used to have together and celebrate their lives.

[Bette]

Nice thought but my memories of them are very mixed so that would be hard. Have to admit that I was a bah humbug before all that really so it's not much of an excuse! 
Bette x

[changesbabe]

Aw bless bette your post brought tears to my eyes. You really have had a tough few christmases and am so glad to hear you are dreading it less this year. It's so hard when you have a bereavement at that time of year because you never forget.

Your post reminded me of the difficult Christmases I had myself a long time ago. When I was a teenager my mum died in sept a few days later my dad threw me out the house - I was then homeless for the next five years. Every Christmas was horrendous not only was I lost without my mum I felt I did not belong anywhere. I woke up on Christmas morning and opened my small amount of pressies by myself and it was all over and done with in minutes. People would invite me for dinner and that was worse because it just emphasised that I did not belong. Yuk just thinking about it now makes me shiver.

When my kids came along I was so determined to create magical Christmas memories for them and I think I have done that. I also think my kids have helped shift some of the demons i have had from my past around Christmas. Mind you I do still favour Christmas eve over the actual day itself.

In my private practice at home I spend most of nov/dec helping clients through what can often be a very difficult time for people. This year we are spending the day with my amazing grandad who is 91!  We are all looking forward to it and I really want to cherish it because we dont know how much longer we will have him here on earth with us. Xxx

[Taz2]

Yes to the christmas cards Morwenna. We usually get over a hundred but last year it was down to around sixty I think. Mind you most of my family have died now and as my mum was one of eight children and my dad one of three this has made quite a difference.

As for your cards - why not frame them instead of putting them in a drawer?

Taz x

[silverlady]

I look on Christmas differently now and think of it as Yuletide a mid winter feast. As we usually spend Christmas Day with just OH and me, we make it  how we like it.

I like to bring greenery into the house with lots of berries, OH loves mince pies and mulled wine and all listening to  the old Yuletide Carols also Christmas Carols from Kings Christmas Eve http://www.kings.cam.ac.uk/events/chapel-services/nine-lessons.html has become a tradition  and if it snows its even better.

There is no problems with visiting families as we all have our own Christmases and non of us mind so its peaceful, we all keep in touch with Sype anyway. My father died Christmas Eve and my mum not long afterwords so I always light Candles for them.

My best Christmas's were when  I lived in Germany, we were always knee deep in snow and it seemed magical, the Christmas Fairs were out of this world but maybe that was because I was a child and then a young woman and things did seem much more magical then.

silverlady x

[Taz2]

Glad to be of help Morwenna.

Silverlady - I think that I also hark back to past Christmases. They were magic. Once I grew up, married and moved away from my family my parents always came for Christmas. This is what I miss. The excitement and anticipation of the day before Christmas Eve with me, and my sons, watching impatiently for their little car to turn the corner of the road - having made a four hour trip - and my mum tumbling out of the car, laden with bags of goodies (home made mince pies, sausage rolls, buns, cakes) and tinsel in her hair. She was such a lovely mum and nana and I was so lucky to have her. She could never wait to even get her coat off before she was diving into her bag and pulling out all kinds of things for the boys. My dad would park the car and give us all a hug before settling down for a cup of tea quite happy to let her chatter on. She would take control of the boys - especially when they were little - and Christmas Eve was my time to go into town for last minute bits and pieces or to catch up with friends for a quick pre-christmas drink (so important when you are tied to small people for most of the day!)

My sons like Christmas to still be like that even though they are grown up but for me I always miss the arrival of that little car - that was when my Christmas would begin.

Taz x

[Bette]

Exactly, Mrs P. And as I see all the family I care about all the time, I don't see the need for any special celebration.
Bette x