Menopause Discussion > Other Health Discussion
UPDATE: Effects of Depression
CLKD:
How disappointed are you that your sister has cancelled?
I was raised by a Narcisstic Mother …… but wasn't aware of it until after Dad died (long story short).
Although encouraged to 'do your best' I felt often that I never quite came up to standard ::). I had to discipline myself to accepting that what ever I did was *my* best and if it wasn't enough, then any feelings that my parents had were theirs - not my fault ::) and I also had to teach myself to say 'no' more often and not be bothered if it did't suit the other person. It does get easier ;) ……
Those people that I felt 'disliked' me are no longer on my C.mas card list ;-). As I grew older I became less boffered about what others might think ……. as long as I do my best each day: my other mantra is "I'm out of bed, what more do you want?" ;)
You are feeling vulnerable so homework will be hard work initially. Little steps ……..
Babsm67:
Hi CLKD, Thank you :-) - I have replied in another thread about my sister's visit but I will mention it here. I am sad that I will not be seeing her tomorrow but it's not her fault. DH felt awkward about the visit because I stayed with my sister for a short time when we were briefly separated early this year (that was my foolish idea when I was not thinking straight) & she was instrumental in getting us reconciled - he also said he had nothing in common with them so I suggested that my daughter & I visit them in January instead. I do have another sister who lives 15 miles away but she doesn't tend to stay in touch or even bother to send us birthday cards (she didn't even send a card for our son's 21st birthday even though I always send cards & money to our three nieces - I have to say that really hurt). Like you have done, I need to teach myself to say 'no' more often & to not be bothered by what others might think. I never felt 'good enough' & still don't - especially where some members of my family are concerned. I have 2 half brothers & two half sisters & out of all of them, only one stays in touch more frequently & sends cards on birthdays etc.. The CBT man said 'Some people are forgetful & some simply can't be bothered/don't care'. That's what I need to remember & not worry about it! Xx
CLKD:
Get on with your Life? I have little contact with my sister, I don't need to as she lives in another Country so we don't have to meet. Too much hurt in the past which continues unless I cut contact. Bothers others more than it does me ;D.
Same with friends, they come and go. That isn't a reflection on me but the World is more mobile. Bet though my sister will be there 'at the end' ::) however :-X :P
Make the people around you the most important. Others are in your past ……
Babsm67:
Thanks, that what I intend to do - the past has to be left behind otherwise it will ruin my life. Need to concentrate on the 'here & now'. I have reached a point where it is time to 'let go' of people who do not really care & stop wasting energy on worrying about it! :) Xx
CLKD:
There probably needs to B a form of grieving ….. although by the time I had decided not to engage with people who upset me including putting the 'phone down when necessary ;) I was confident enough to not be bothered by it.
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